Expectations
This page lays out information about my general DMing style, as well as expected etiquette for all players at the table (including me!).
what to expect from me as a dm
rules basics
For the most part, I run 5E rules as written (or rules as intended, where those vary significantly), using the Player's Handbook, Dungeon Master's Guide and other official resources, with a few house rule changes and variant rules and some unofficial content here and there. That said, adjustments can be made as we go if a change would improve the group's fun, and rule of cool can absolutely take precedence if an awesome story moment calls for it. Likewise, I love being able to reward player creativity, so don't be afraid to try unusual things—just realize that sometimes there's a limit to how far disbelief can be suspended, even in fantasy.
Basically, expect to do things as the books (or the listed additional rules) tell you to, but when cool things happen I will do my best to allow as much of that coolness to shine through as I can.
rules decisions
I've been DMing for a few years now, and I'm quite comfortable with the way D&D 5E works, but I'm only human, and I may occasionally make a mistake or need to double-check a rule. I'm happy to accept polite corrections, although my word on rulings is final. If a rules hiccup can't be resolved within a few minutes, I favor making an ad-hoc ruling and moving on with the game, and then later we can take the time to sort out what happened and what to do next time.
challenges and difficulty
I try to create adventures that touch on all three pillars of play (combat, exploration and social), and across a range of difficulties, so that sometimes you're faced with exciting and dangerous challenges while other times things can be kept a little lighter and less stressful. When things do get dangerous I intend to handle that seriously, with intelligent enemies and difficult obstacles and environments, which means there may be a risk of character death or other serious problems. I am not, however, out to smash everyone to bits without giving them a chance. Challenges should be exciting and meaningful for the sake of a fun game and a powerful story, but they should never be unfair or strip you of all opportunities for either victory or escape. If you ever feel like an encounter is on the wrong side of punishing, talk to me so I can reassess if needed.
While I do my best to keep things varied and exciting and meaningful, I'm not looking to present my players with perfectly optimized encounters, so your characters, in turn, shouldn't need to be perfectly optimized in order to handle anything. If you enjoy optimizing then I don't want to stop you from building characters in a way that's fun for you, but you'll probably get bored if you're looking to challenge yourself with big numbers and total tactical system mastery. See more here.
description and character backstory
I want to do what I can to help you stay immersed in the world and the story. I admit that providing the right amount of descriptive detail—enough to be enticing, not so much as to be a dull infodump or to make awkward assumptions—is something that I'm still working on, but if that's what you want out of a game then I'm right there with you and will do my best to keep your imaginations going. Feel free to give me a polite nudge if something's not quite doing it for you.
You can see my general thoughts on character backstories here, but in a nutshell: they're usually not required, but if you want to craft a detailed backstory then I am more than happy to work with you to integrate that into our game world and our story. Shoot me whatever you've got!
age rating, language, etc.
I am an adult, and generally I prefer to run games for adults (18+ years of age). This is less to do with the content of my games and more because it feels a bit awkward to run a game over the internet for young people I don't know. That said, if they are legally allowed to be using the platform we'd be playing on—many sites do not allow users under the age of 13 to use their service, etc.—and can be mature (as in reasonable, polite, responsible, etc., again nothing to do with content), I may occasionally allow younger players.
In terms of game content, adult themes may occasionally be touched on, and player romance and the like can happen, but I don't intend to deal with anything explicit. The exact content of a given game will obviously vary, but generally you should expect something equivalent to a PG-13 movie rating.
I'm not huge on crude humor. It's not even so much that I'm frequently offended by it as I just don't find constant crude humor particularly funny. If the occasional joke pops up here or there, that's fine; if it keeps happening it might start to grate, so in that case maybe our senses of humor aren't compatible.
That said, I do occasionally swear. I'm happy to go with the consensus of the group on the level of swearing they find acceptable (and, of course, any existing rules of the platform/location we're using to play). If you're cool with it, so am I. If you'd rather we avoid it, I'm happy to respect that and will avoid using foul language in our game.
Obviously I will not say horrible, offensive things directly to/about my players, and I would expect the same courtesy from you. See "Respect" and "Be Respectful" below.
content warnings
In the event that I run a game that involves common potentially uncomfortable issues, I'll do my best to make that clear ahead of time so you don't sign up for a game that will upset you. If anything happens mid-campaign that would necessitate additional warnings, I'll mention that to the group.
In addition, as long as I'm aware of the kinds of things that make you uncomfortable, I can do my best to tailor encounters and events to avoid those things. If you're afraid of spiders, for example, I won't build combat encounters with spider enemies. If you don't like seeing emotionally-abusive relationships, I won't use that as a source of conflict for NPCs. See "Comfort Zones" below for more information on this sort of thing.
respect
I will always do my best to be respectful of my players and their time. If there's going to be a delay or a missed post or session, I'll give the group notice as soon as I'm able. If I accidentally say something offensive, let me know so I can learn and avoid being hurtful in the future. If I make a mistake, mechanically or otherwise, I'll do what I can to correct it in as fair a manner as possible. I want to do whatever I can to foster an environment of mutual respect and fun for everyone involved in the game.
I do ask that, in return, you show me and your fellow players the same respect. See "Be Respectful" below for more.
let's talk
I'm always open to talking with my players about the game! Got a cool new idea for where you want your character's story to go? Tell me! Feel like that last combat encounter was unbalanced and unfun? Let me know so I can dial it back for next time. Did something happen recently that you thought was great and you want to see more of it? I can make it so if you give me a heads-up! Have a rules question? I've got a rules answer, or at least I'll do my darndest to dig one up for you! I'm here to make sure that we're all having a good time, so don't be shy about shooting me a message with questions, suggestions or concerns.
what i expect from players
be respectful
Above all, I want my games to be places where people can enjoy themselves with friends. I would hope that everyone can be mature, polite and respectful of other people's boundaries and their good times. Character conflict can be a lot of fun, but misunderstandings and tension between the actual players are just going to make everyone unhappy.
Everyone should do their part to make sure everyone else in the group has fun. If you're not having fun, speak up; if someone else isn't having fun, take what they're saying into account.
There is no room for bigoted or hateful behavior at my tables. If you make a mistake, learn from it and do better next time. If it keeps happening, I have no problem asking you to leave the game.
On the subject of mistakes in general–for example, forgetting how a rule works–it's totally fine to ask me or other players for help, or to offer help to someone who seems to need it (including me). Avoid being patronizing or argumentative about it, however. There's no need to be an aggressive rules lawyer or anything like that.
Remember that you are not the only person playing the game. I want you to have your moment to shine, but other players need theirs as well. Cooperate with your party as best as possible, and don't try to steal the scene at every opportunity.
If things just aren't working out, that's okay. There's no shame in realizing that we might have more fun playing with other people and parting amicably.
In general, so long as you can follow Wheaton's Law, we can probably have a fantastic time gaming together.
be honest
Don't lie about rolls or give yourself items you haven't actually received/purchased in game or do anything else that's deliberately disingenuous as a player. Honest mistakes are easily corrected and forgiven; cheating, not so much.
delays and absences
Do your best to let the group know ahead of time if you're not going to be able to reply to a thread right away (for PbP games), or if you'll be late for or miss a game session. Life happens and is more important than a game, and you won't be penalized for the occasional slip--there have been times when life makes even just checking in tricky for me--but if it becomes a pattern we may need to have a talk about whether this game and its schedule are a good fit for you. If you disappear entirely for an extended period and don't give us any explanation, you will be removed from the game.
If you're unable to play right away for any reason, I will generally either puppet your character or excuse them from the immediate action until you return (maybe your character was tired after the previous big fight, or they go off to investigate one angle of a situation while the rest of the party investigates another, or whatever else might make sense in the moment). You are welcome to let me know ahead of time/in general what you think your character might do if they go off by themselves, or if there's anything you'd like me to keep in mind while puppeting your character. You can also have another player puppet your character instead of me as long as you clear it with me first. Alternatively, if I've got a lot to manage behind the screen for the current situation, I may ask another player to puppet you. I will likewise try to check with you first before letting another player temporarily control your character.
learning the rules
You don't have to have every last tiny facet of the rules perfectly memorized to join my games. I sure don't. And I love teaching D&D to new players, so if you've never touched a character sheet or don't know what "natural 20" means, that's totally okay. That said, please make an effort to remember the basics of the game and how your character works. If you've never played a spellcaster before and need help with managing spells for a little while, that's fine. If we started at 1st level and one year later your 12th-level wizard still doesn't know how spell slots work, that might be a problem. Ask questions if you're not sure how something works, and if you're legitimately having trouble understanding something then I'm happy to do what I can to help--I can point you toward helpful resources, or maybe we can come up with a custom cheat sheet for you, or something like that. But the game runs more smoothly for everyone when the players manage their own characters and I can focus on managing everything else.
roleplaying and description
Just as I don't require people to be D&D rules experts, I don't require them to have tons of roleplaying experience, either. You just need to want to have fun playing a game and telling a story together! I'm always happy to help if you feel like you need it. (Basic advice, especially for written games, is to consider what your character is saying, thinking and doing at that moment.)
The key thing to remember, though, is that we are telling a story together, whatever that story may be. I don't have a minimum word requirement for PbP posts and I don't expect you to narrate your every single action in florid detail, because sometimes it's true that there's really not a lot to say. I do expect to see evidence that you're invested in moving the action along with everyone else. The occasional one-liner isn't the end of the world, but constant one-liners looks like lack of interest. I want you to be interested!
I also want you to be sure you understand the nature of the game you're signing up for. If a game is described as containing lots of political intrigue, it's probably not a good fit for a murderhobo character (or player), and the rest of the group likely won't appreciate it if you keep trying to shank the NPC they're negotiating with. A dark and brooding character played seriously probably won't mesh with a party that was expecting a jokey, comedic tone. That doesn't mean that you can never make unusual or surprising decisions, but you do need to be considerate of why the DM chose to run this game and the other players thought it would be fun to participate in.
comfort zones and changing content mid-game (the "x-card")
As alluded to under "Content Warnings" above, I'm happy to adjust elements of the campaign to avoid anything that's going to make you too uncomfortable to play. (That said, if a game's content warnings say upfront that it will include a topic that you know makes you uncomfortable, perhaps it's best if you refrain from applying to that game and wait for another one where said topic isn't important to the concept.) My game signups always include a space for you to let me know what you'd like to see or would rather not have to deal with in a campaign; this includes things like "I'm just not interested in romance for my character" or "I'd love to see a lot of combat with unusual terrain effects", but can also include things like "I don't want to have to fight any spiders" or "I'm not comfortable with detailed descriptions of violence". You don't have to go into detail about why you want me to avoid something; you can if you're up for it, but a simple "no spiders please" is all I need to boot all spiders out of the game before we even start. If you're not okay with talking about a certain thing that upsets you then that's all right, but be aware that that means I won't know ahead of time to avoid that thing. In that case, see below.
If something does happen in the game that makes you uncomfortable (say it's something that you didn't realize would bother you, or it's something that you weren't comfortable mentioning ahead of time), you are always able to let me know in the moment that you'd prefer we not continue down this road. If you forgot to mention that you're also afraid of scorpions and I've just started an encounter with a scorpion swarm, you can absolutely say "can we stop/change this" and I'll change course as quickly as I'm able—maybe now we're fighting skeletons instead. I'll do my best to keep the game cohesive, but player fun and comfort are ultimately more important, so if we have to make a weird jump then so be it. Again, you can explain if you want, or talk to me about it later/outside the game, but you don't have to if that also makes you uneasy.
If it's another player's/character's actions or comments that are making you uncomfortable, it's totally okay to bring that up as well. If another player says that they don't like where something is going, please respect that and do what you can to make adjustments or just drop the topic.
It doesn't matter how "major" your discomfort is, or if you feel like "you shouldn't be upset by X because no one else is"; if you're legitimately uncomfortable, then something needs to change so that feeling goes away and you can go back to having fun. On the other hand, if you are not legitimately bothered by something, please don't trivialize this by joking around about it and asking for changes you don't actually need. I take my players' comfort levels seriously.
If you're familiar with the X-card concept, this is intended to be similar. I want to make it as easy as possible for you to tell the group if you need something!
let's talk!
Again, I'm always open to questions, suggestions and concerns about the game! I also encourage you to talk to me about these expectations or the game in general before you apply, if you want to be sure that we're a good fit for each other.
Ideally, you should also be open to talking to your fellow players. If you have a question, concern or cool idea, I would hope that you'd feel comfortable talking to another player about it, and that you'd be all right with them coming to you about the same things. Communication keeps a game running smoothly, gives people a chance to resolve problems and offers everyone a chance to collaborate on awesome things to bring to the adventure!